Hope.

[maskitheclown]

This week for Idol, intrepia wrote about a girl named Hope who had killed herself over an issue of "sexting."
A person in my other fandom expressed her rage over the news-coverage fail and social blindness that happened here much more eloquently than I ever could, so I suggest you browse the comments.

This is the story *
Article *
NBC's piece *

And her parents are seriously a fucking prize.

In short:
Girl sends a picture of her breasts to a boy she likes.
Another girl finds it on his cellphone and distributes around.
Bullying starts.
School suspends the girl.
Parents ground the girl for a whole summer taking away her phone and internet.
Girl starts cutting. School makes her sign a contract saying she's not gonna do that again.
Bullying continues.
Girl kills herself.

Lesson to be learned here is apparently that texting photos of yourself naked is bad, and bullying is ok if you're bullying someone who totally had it coming. Also, technology is bad and there is absolutely no way for a grown person to influence a child, even their own.

I express my rage through sarcasm, I really don't want anyone to take that last paragraph seriously.

PS I'm sorry for spamming, but this needed a post of its own.

Comments

[mrsquizzical.livejournal.com]

ugh. freakin' victim blaming bullshit.

*weeps*

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

I really hate it. Especially combined with the "let's not upset the nice bully/racist/homophobe/killer" attitude.

[afterxbirth.livejournal.com]

ohmydear god they actually make you sign a paper saying you'll rather talk to and adult than cut yourself? has anyone ever told these idiots that signaling that cutting is a bad thing that should stop immediately is going to have the exact opposite effect of what they want?

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

The only possible use of that contract I can see is to rid school of all responsibility, because "Here, see, she signed she's not gonna do it and she did it anyway. It's all her fault." Which is extra ridiculous because I'm pretty sure even in the US minors can't sign contracts unless they're emancipated.

[afterxbirth.livejournal.com]

mhmm. it's just, stupid is what it is. i especially hate how most schools all over the world have the mentality that bullying of any kind is normal. just because it happens all the time, doesn't mean that it's okay and you shouldn't really do anything about it, jesus. i was talking to a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about high school (he goes to the same one i went to) and i told him that i never want to go back there or see the people i went to school with ever again because i got teased and made fun of all the time. his reponse? 'heh, that's normal.' yeah, normal, happens all the time, so who fucking cares that i still have self esteem issues because of it right?

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I hate that it somehow became normal and no one even thinks it's something to fight against. "It's been happening through generations, you just need to get through it."
Riiight...

As I said somewhere else, when discussing gay couples adopting children one of the most common arguments I'll get is "Those kids have a hard life anyway, imagine how they would be bullied by other kids for having gay parents!" And I don't even know how to respond to that because OF COURSE it's easier to adapt to the bullies than try to educate them and y'know, raise them as decent human beings.

And apparently it's all only worth a mention when someone dies, everything else is eh, less relevant. Like all those traits that make someone a bully will suddenly disappear when he leaves high school.

[afterxbirth.livejournal.com]

we had a discussion about gay couples being allowed to adopt in class and the same issue came up and i said basically that it's not the gay parents' fault that they'll get bullied, but societys for labeling gay people as somethin bad, and a classmate of mine (the one who brought up the bullying issue) looked at me all confused. and i asked her if she didn't uderstand what i meant because i said it in english or if she didn't understand it at all and she answered 'no i have no idea what you were trying to say with that' *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

it's like, well, you're weird, you're somehow out of the norm, of course you're going to get bullied, duh. and it's all your fault too, because if you were just like everyone else there wouldn't be a reason for you to get picked on now would there? *HEADDESK*

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* OMG. She's... ngh, never mind. Did she get it eventually?
The reaction I usually get is annoyance and "now you're just talking bullshit" because wth am I even thinking wanting to change people like that. Like I'm a petulant child who's demanding an expensive toy even though we can't afford it. It's so incredibly frustrating and makes me feel helpless which I really hate.
Seriously, "ne seri" is my least favorite phrase ever.

Hah, yeah, my dad REALLY likes to use the word "normal." Everyone knows what normal is and we should all try to be as normal as we can. *nod* them is the facts of life. If we don't... well, we have to face the consequences.

[afterxbirth.livejournal.com]

nope, she didn't. her friend explained it to her one more time and she still looked hella confused.
hahahaha, ne seri, that's a phrase i hear from my dad a lot XD. and yeah i get what you mean i get that too sometimes. it sucks.

i don't like the word normal. because it automatically implies that everyting else is not normal and wrong.

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

LoL well, she's a special little snowflake... or, well, normal :)

Yeah. I hated it even before I understood half the implications I do now. I still go out of my way to not use it, except in conversations like this, because somehow it feels as discriminating as all the other negative words put together. Just no.

[lstinhpfdm.livejournal.com]

This is a very sad situation. More upsetting because the adults in charge don't seem to see a problem with the bullying. My biggest beef is blaming this on technology. It's just tricky being a parent of a teen because all the "experts" seem to push these kinds of contracts when a child goes astray. Not sure what they really do.

Bullying is very difficult to combat once it starts, the best solution (which many parents can't afford) is to remove the teen from the school. I am speaking from experience here, moving across the country when I was a teenager (mid H.S.) was probably one of the best things to happen in my life.

[lstinhpfdm.livejournal.com]

Now that I have read the above thread, I know your going to say we should be educating the teens about bullying, tolerance, and treating each other right. This can be done while moving the child/teen out of the situation.

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the reactions of the adults in this story bug me the most. The school suspended her? Could that have condemned her more publicly? :(
It's like that "saying" - guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well, same goes for technology. It's about how you use it.
They make it sound like teen pregnancy etc. didn't exist before internet and TV.

I'm sorry your HS experience was crappy, but at least it got better. But you're right, that's not something everyone can do.
It really does come down to educating the bullies and teenagers generally, but that has 2 big problems standing in its way. 1. That would mean most parents would have to re-evaluate their idea of parenting and start actually spending time with their kids and listening to them speak and 2. a lot parents, no matter what they give out publicly, are actually bigots themselves, the kids are just more open about it.
(all my "a lot of" and "most of" are in no way statistically relevant :D )

[lstinhpfdm.livejournal.com]

It was more JR high (12-13) than H.S., but when we moved I got to leave my old reputation behind and reinvent myself at 16. It was very good for me.

Spending time with the kids can be hard, with often both parents working and kids buried in homework. Discussed this very topic with my 15 year old today, since you brought it up. Shockingly her first comment was that the girl deserved to be taunted. And at first I wanted to say that I have never heard of teens texting each other nude pictures around here, but I do remember the principle of my daughter jr. high suspending a boy for having naked pictures on his phone. (That had been confiscated because he was using during class.) And that particular school was doing a good job keeping the bullying to a minimum, the principle was honestly trying.

We also discussed this article the LA Times had today about "A right for students to be cruel" (http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-youtube-schools13-2009dec13,0,6677934.story). Adds a twist to the cyber bullying and punishment. It's about how students are suing and winning lawsuits saying schools are overstepping their bounds when disciplining kids for bullying while not on schools grounds. I do agree with the judges here because our 1st amendment rights in the U.S can't be selectively enforced. This is a bit different from forwarding naked pictures, because US Law considers those pictures pornographic. Makes the whole disciplining the bullies challenging.

[maskitheclown.livejournal.com]

:) Awesome.

atuff like that is happening around here too but it's not that special. I mean, if not for texting, they would find another way to do it. When I was in elementary, the last few years, we didn't have cellphones but there were girls who got into bathrooms with guys and let them touch their breasts.

Wow. Yeah, someone mentioned somewher today how, if these kids were grownups, they would be considered criminals, so why is it any different now that they are kids, abusing other kids?
Hm, but... ok she's free to speak what she wants but... wouldn't telling someone you think they're hot and should wear shorter skirts etc at work fall under sexual harassment despite freedom of speech? Which means adjustments can be made if there's will?